fussiness and bottle feeding

what everyone should know:

One of the best explanations of normal infant fussiness is shared here with permission fromKathy S. Kuhn RN BSN IBCLC and lactation consultant for Parentsplace.com:

Normal infant fussiness starts at about 1-3 weeks, peaks at about 6-8 weeks and is gone by about 3-4 months. Most babies will “fuss” about 2-4 hours per day, no matter what you do. They want to be “in arms” or at the breast very frequently and fuss even though you attempt to calm them. They often seem “unsatisfied” with their feedings and even seem to reject or cry at the breast.

It most commonly happens in the evening hours, and usually the baby will take their longest stretch of sleep after this fussy time. The best thing to do is offer the breast as much as the baby wants it. If she fusses at the breast try to calm her in other ways such as “dancing” with her, gentle bouncing and rocking, and just giving big doses of TLC. You can tell it is normal fussiness if it occurs about the same time each day, if your baby has other times of the day when feedings are calm and she seems happy, and if she is growing and gaining well per her pediatrician and having plenty of wet and soiled diapers.

Many times during a baby’s fussy time they will refuse the breast. After several frustrating attempts at nursing, the parents may “break down” and offer a bottle of expressed breastmilk or formula thinking that the fussiness is related to low supply or something wrong with mom’s milk. Kathy gives a better understanding of this particular concern here, as well as explaining what happens when baby is offered a bottle and “guzzles” it down:

Parents who don’t know this is “normal” frequently respond as you did by giving a bottle because they think the baby isn’t “happy or satisfied” with the breast. When the bottle goes in the baby’s mouth the mouth fills with milk, the baby is obligated to swallow and the action of swallowing initiates another suck. The suck again fills the mouth and the cycle repeats, giving an appearance of the baby “gulping the bottle down hungrily”.

This of course only contributes to mom and dad’s fear that the baby wasn’t getting enough at the breast and they keep offering more and more bottles (understandably). Which then causes a true low milk supply. Often the baby falls asleep peacefully after this episode which also reinforces to the parents that the bottle was just what the baby needed. What has really happened is the baby has by coincidence come to the natural conclusion of the fussy spell (most parents give the bottle as a last resort which means the fussiness has been going on for awhile) and/or the baby has withdrawn because “gulping” down the bottle was actually stressful and NOT what the baby wanted but she could not stop the flow, so exhausted, she falls asleep. So don’t offer bottles during any fussy time.


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let down reflex

There are a few definitions that i found would give us clearer & better understanding of what is actually LDR :-
1) Release of milk into the nipple area of breast often felt as tingling sensation.
2) A conditioned reflex of ejecting milk from the alveoli to the ducts to the sinuses of the breast and the nipple.
This is your body’s response to the baby’s suckling and is responsible for squeezing the milk from the alveoli into the ducts and towards the nipple. Sometimes it causes the milk to drip or even squirt from the nipple. 

Your baby’s suckling stimulates the nerve endings in the nipple and areola, which tells the pituitary gland in the brain to release two hormones, prolactin and oxytocin :
a) Prolactin causes your alveoli to take nutrients (proteins, sugars) from your blood supply and turn them into breast milk.
b) Oxytocin causes the cells around the alveoli to contract and force the milk down the milk ducts. This is also the hormone responsible for contractions in labour and after the birth. The contractions after birth help your uterus to return to its pre-birth shape and size and tend to get more painful the more children you have. These after pains mostly come on while breastfeeding for the first 24-48 hours after delivery.
There may be many let-downs during a breastfeed although you may not feel them all. Most mothers only notice the first one. The others occur in response to changes in the baby’s sucking rhythm.
The brain plays a large role in the release of hormones that cause the milk to eject so it is very normal for let-downs to occur in other situations as well. You might notice a let-down when you think its feeding time, when you think about your baby, hear your baby or even hear somebody else’s baby cry.
Some mothers may notice a let down when sexually aroused or even during orgasm. This is because oxytocin is also a bonding hormone and is the major hormone involved in orgasm.

1) Try to be as relaxed and comfortable as possible. Some mothers find it helpful to unplug the phone, turn on relaxing music, and take a few deep breaths.

2) Sit in a comfortable chair with good support for your arms and back. Many mothers find that rocking chairs work well.

3) Make sure your baby is in a comfortable position on your breast. Correct positioning is one of the most important factors in successful breastfeeding.

4) You can try to listen to soothing music and sip a nutritious drink during feedings.

5) If your household is very busy, set aside a quiet place ahead of time where you will not be disturbed while breastfeeding.

6) Sometimes just thinking about your baby, hearing baby cry or stroking their hair will cause a let down.

7) You can often train your self to have a let down by sitting in the same chair, listening to the same music or following the same routine every time you breastfeed.

8) If you have trouble encouraging the let down, you can try gently massaging the breast before the feed or apply a warm towel or heat pack.


1) Your baby will begin to rapidly suck and swallow rhythmically

2) Milk may drip from the opposite breast

3) You may feel a tingling or a full sensation in the breasts

4) You may feel thirsty or sleepy


1) Emotions: embarrassment, anger, irritation, fear or resentment

2) Tiredness

3) Inadequate sucking this can be because of improper positioning or because the baby has not been at the breast for long enough

4) Stress

5) Fear of pain in your breasts or uterus (i.e. sore nipples or afterbirth pains)

6) Engorgement in the first few days

Let-down Reflex: Too slow?

By Kelly Bonyata, BS, IBCLC

Is my let-down functioning properly?

It is normal for let-down not to feel as strong as your baby gets older. Some mothers never feel let-down, and some stop feeling the let-down sensation as time goes by. This does not necessarily indicate that let-down is not taking place.

Reliable signs of a healthy, functioning let-down include:

  • In the first week or so, mother may notice uterine cramping during letdown.
  • Baby changes his sucking pattern from short and choppy (like a pacifier suck) at the beginning of the feeding to more long, drawing, and rhythmic a minute or so into the feeding.
  • Mother may have a feeling of calm, relaxation, sleepiness or drowsiness.
  • Mother may have a strong sensation of thirst while breastfeeding.
  • Baby is swallowing more often. A swallow sounds like a small puff of air coming out the baby’s nose and you can usually see the muscle moving in front of the baby’s ear, giving the baby the appearance of his earlobes subtley wiggling.

Possible causes of slow let-down

It’s quite normal for a mother to have a harder time letting down when pumping than when nursing. The milk may be there, but you may have a hard time letting down and “releasing” the milk. Some mothers also have a let-down which is not functioning properly when baby is nursing.

Many things can be the cause of a slow or inhibited let-down: anxiety, pain, embarrassment, stress, cold, excessive caffeine use, smoking, use of alcohol, or the use of somemedications. Mothers who have had breast surgery may have nerve damage that can interfere with let-down. In extreme situations of stress or crisis, the release of extra adrenaline in the mother’s system (the “fight or flight” response) can reduce or block the hormones which affect let-down.

Sometimes a cycle is created, where baby fusses and pulls off because the let-down is slow, which makes mom tense up, which makes the let-down even slower, etc. You can use relaxation techniques and let-down cues to break this cycle.

Let-down as a conditioned reflex

Let-down is partially a conditioned reflex, or one acquired as a result of repeated “training.” The pioneer of research into what he called conditioned reflexes was the Russian neurophysiologist Ivan Pavlov.

A typical experiment of Pavlov’s was as follows: On numerous occasions a bell is rung just before a dog is fed. The dog salivates as usual on receiving its food. Then the bell is rung without any food being presented. The dog salivates in response to the bell ringing.

Let’s put this in terms of nursing. Use a “let-down cue” just before you nurse (for example, deep breathing or drinking a cup of tea). Your milk then lets down in response to baby nursing. Once you have established a conditioned reflex, you will begin to let-down in response to the let-down cue, without baby needing to nurse (or nurse as long).

In Pavlov’s terms:

  • the food (nursing) is an unconditioned stimulus
  • the salivation (let-down) in response to the food (nursing) is an unconditioned reflex
  • the sound of the bell (let-down cue) is the conditioned stimulus
  • the salivation (let-down) to the stimulus of the bell (let-down cue) alone is theconditioned reflex.

Pavlov also found that:

  • It is much easier to form a conditioned reflex if the unconditioned stimulus follows the conditioned one (i.e. the food follows the bell)
  • It is easier to form a conditioned reflex if the conditioned stimulus (bell) occurs very close in time to the unconditioned stimulus (food)
  • The intensity of the stimuli is important – a dog salivates more if trained on larger pieces of food; and it also salivates more in response to a louder bell

Transferring this to nursing and let-down, we can surmise that:

  • Your let-down cue should be used directly before and just as you begin nursing.
  • Intensity makes a difference: Using a couple of different nursing cues at the beginning of nursing (for example, sitting down, getting a drink of water, and doing some deep breathing) should work better than just sitting down to nurse.

While you’re having problems with let-down, it may be helpful to try to nurse in as close to the same setting and same circumstances every time, or have at least one thing that you do that’s the same every time you nurse (deep breathing, visualization, the same drink in the same cup, etc.). If you begin routinely using a few of these let-down cues, your let-down should kick right back in.

Let-down cues that have proven helpful

Use all of your senses to facilitate let-down. Concentrate on the sight, sound, smell and feel of your baby. Have a certain beverage that you drink (the sense of taste) at the beginning of every nursing session, have a certain song that you listen to, etc.

Directly before nursing:

  • Take a warm shower or bath prior to nursing.
  • If you are in any pain, consider taking some Advil or Tylenol about 30 minutes before you expect to nurse. Pain can cause stress and inhibit let-down.
  • Choose a calm, less distracting setting for nursing.
  • Turn on some music that you enjoy.
  • Undress baby to his diaper and yourself from the waist up to increase skin-to-skin contact.
  • Get something to drink, like a glass of water or a cup of tea.
  • Sit in a comfortable chair with arm support and good back support or better, nurse while lying down.
  • Get in a warm bath with baby and nurse there.
  • Before putting baby to breast, massage your breasts and do some nipple rolls and gentle tugging. Moist heat on the breasts should be helpful, too. See “Assisting the Milk Ejection Reflex” in this information on the Marmet technique of manual expression.
  • Reverse pressure softening helps let-down for some moms.

During nursing:

  • Deep breathe or use other relaxation techniques at the beginning of a feeding, like the techniques that are taught for childbirth
  • Singing or humming can also speed let-down.
  • Use visualization. Take several deep breaths and close your eyes as you begin. Try to visualize and “feel” what the let-down response feels like for you (if you normally feel anything). Some women imagine their milk flowing or use images of waterfalls. Some women concentrate on looking at baby’s soft little hand moving at mom’s breast, with fingers curled under. Some women use visualizations such as being on the beach or any other relaxing place. Use all five senses; imagine the sights, smells such as the salt air, sensations such as the feel of the sand under you or the warmth of the sun on your skin, imagine tastes and what you might hear too. An excellent book on visualization techniques is Mind Over Labor by Carl Jones.
  • The opposite can also be helpful: watch TV, talk on the phone, read a book, etc. – whatever will relax you and get your mind off it.
  • Place a heating pad on your shoulders and back. Get someone else to massage your back and shoulders before and while you nurse.
  • Switch nurse: move baby back and forth frequently between breasts until let-down occurs
  • Continue to massage and use breast compression as you nurse.

Additional suggestions if you’re pumping while separated from baby:

  • Look at a picture of your baby (nursing, if possible).
  • Try listening to a tape recording of your baby fussing before nursing and/or feeding sounds. Use a portable tape player with headphones if needed. Or just visualize what he sounds like when he’s ready to nurse.
  • Put a sleeper or t-shirt or blanket that baby has worn in a ziplock bag. Open it up when ready to pump – smell and touch it.


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insufficient breast milk

Suspect ineffective sucking if the newborn frequently (one or more): · Does not wake for 8+ feedings or wants 14+ in 24 hours · Keeps latching on and letting go of the breast · Can`t seem to latch on or pushes away · Falls asleep 2-5 minutes after latch-on or starting to suck · Feeds for more than 30-40 minutes without self-detaching at the first breast · Feeds for more than 45 minutes but doesn`t seem satisfied · Soaks fewer than 6 diapers in 24 hours by day 6-7 · Has fewer than 3 stools in 24 hours by 6-7 days after birth through the first 4-8 weeks) · Seems “gassy” and produces green, frothy stools after the first week · Seems to have difficulty feeding no matter what feeding method is tried. (* Any baby may demonstrate one or more of these signs occasionally.) When a baby breastfeeds ineffectively, the mother is more likely to develop sore, red, bruised, raw, blistered, or cracked nipples. Her nipples may appear creased, flattened, misshapen or white at the end of a feeding. She also may experience a plugged duct or mastitis due to poor milk removal.


The baby’s gums should completely bypass the nipple and cover approximately one inch of the areola behind the nipple.  Make sure the baby’s lips are everted.  Some baby’s will tighten or purse their lips, especially the lower one.  If the lower lip is inverted (turned in), try simply pressing down on baby’s chin to evert the inwardly turned lip.


How can I get my baby to latch on properly?

First, position yourself correctly. Milk flows better from a relaxed mother, and it’s easier to breastfeed your baby if your arms, back, and shoulders are well-supported. Prepare a nursing station in your favorite room with a comfortable chair, plenty of pillows for support, and peace and quiet or soothing music. After you’ve prepared your body to breastfeed, prepare your mind. Take a few relaxing breaths and imagine your nourishing milk flowing from your breasts into your baby. Help your infant to relax, too. If she’s crying, rock and sing to her until she quiets down. If she’s sleepy, gently bring her body into a sitting position while saying her name. Babies latch on best when they are in a quiet, yet alert, state.

Next, position your baby correctly. Whether you use the cradle hold (baby cradled in your arms lying on a pillow on your lap), the clutch or football hold (baby’s body tucked to the side, under your arm, near your breast, neck supported by your cupped hand), or the side-lying position (nursing in bed), be sure that Baby’s head and body are turned to face your breast with her mouth at the level of your nipple. Pull her in close¿ — she should not have to turn her head or strain her neck to reach your nipple.

Cup your breast in your hand, with your fingers and palm underneath and thumb on top, well behind the areola. Avoid the “cigarette hold” (when the nipple is between your two fingers) because your fingers would be right where baby needs to latch on. Express a few drops of milk. Using your milk-moistened nipple, gently massage your baby’s lips, encouraging her to open her mouth wide, like yawning. As she opens wide, direct your nipple slightly upward and toward the center of her mouth, and with a rapid arm movement, pull her close to you, so that her mouth will close down over your areola. We call this technique “RAM,” an abbreviation of “rapid arm movement.” It may sound startling at first to say “RAM Baby on,” but it really helps mothers remember two important components of latching on: that they need to move their arm to draw their infant in closer (rather than leaning forward, which can make their backs sore), and that they must move quickly before the baby’s mouth closes again.


While a bit of initial discomfort is to be expected in the first two to four days of breastfeeding, persistent pain usually means your baby is not latching on properly. To improve Baby’s latch-on, be sure his mouth is wide open as he takes the breast; both of his lips should be turned out (everted). When your baby takes the breast with mouth open wide, he’ll have a “fish mouth” look as he nurses, and you should not be able to see your nipple. Be sure your baby’s tongue is between his lower gum and your breast. (If you pull down gently on Baby’s lower lip, you should be able to see his tongue.) If his bottom lip is pulled inward instead of outward, use the index finger of the hand that is supporting your breast to pull out that lower lip. (You may need a helper to take a peek under the breast and do this for you while Baby is latched on.) This “lower lip flip,” as we call it, may be all that’s needed to keep your infant from tight-mouthing your nipple.

If your baby doesn’t get onto the breast well at the first try, take him off (break the suction with your little finger inserted into his mouth) and try again, waiting for that wide-open mouth. Don’t settle for a less-than-great latch-on: Be patient, keep trying, and soon your baby will learn exactly what to do.

What if I need to supplement with formula?

“Combo feeding” (breastfeeding and supplemental formula) can work, but it’s important to get breastfeeding off to a good start for a few weeks before introducing commercial nipples. Otherwise, babies can become “nipple confused,” which means they try to suck at the breast the way they get milk out of a bottle. This is not very effective, and it can be painful! If formula supplementation is medically necessary within the first month, a lactation consultant can help you try supplementing with a syringe or a nursing supplementer, a handy device that delivers breast milk or formula through a flexible tube attached to your nipple, while baby breastfeeds. Supplementers help babies learn to suck from a mother’s nipple. As an added perk, mother gets the milk-making hormonal stimulation as Baby sucks at her breast.

Breastfed babies sometimes refuse to take bottles offered by Mom because it just doesn’t feel right. Dad or a substitute caregiver may be more successful at persuading a baby that food can come from other sources. Choose a nipple with a wide base so that baby has to open his mouth wide as he does at the breast. This will minimize problems with lazy latch-on when baby is fed at the breast.

Don’t take it personally if your baby appears to prefer pumped breast milk or formula from a bottle. It usually doesn’t take as much effort to get milk from a commercial nipple. (This is a good reason to avoid them in the early weeks.) If you are planning to combine breastfeeding with formula supplements, or if you find yourself doing this, try to give breastfeeding priority. The more you substitute formula feedings for feedings at the breast, the less milk your breasts will make, and it’s possible that your baby’s interest in breastfeeding will also wane. Combo feeding works for many mothers, but use some caution or your baby may stop breastfeeding before you had planned on weaning.

As a general guide, a baby getting sufficient milk should gain four to seven ounces a week, or a minimum of a pound a month.

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umar’s birth day

today Umar is 23 days old. he’s 3.5kg, from 2.7 kg 12 days back . Abang Khairul says he growing too fast. yep, so i better jot down his historical moments, before the next thing i know that he’s going to college or getting married..

i’m working on applying extra leave to take care of Umar and to properly breastfeed him. a colleague proposed the ‘5 yr cuti menjaga anak’ facility.. and i’m starting to consider .. on top of the idea of extending my 90 days maternity leave

thinking back on Umar’s birth day , how i kept my 2:10 contraction from 2am on 4rd Jan 2011.. wondering wether it is ‘it’ already or it’s just another false alarm. it was a tuesday. the significance was .. do i still go to work ( since my leave application got rejected), or do i deserve an MC already. the appearance of ‘show’ at Subuh answered it all. at least it’s time to get a VE done. the 2nd painful VE done by the H.O at HTAA revealed a 2cm tight os. i cant believe she dare to declare my os was closed when she couldnt even find my posterior os! good thing she had the sense to consult her MO whom asked her to rpt the VE, and good thing that she got it (since the MO didnt come herself).

3 and 1/2 hr drive from kuantan to serdang managed to efface my os, says Dr Ainy at PAC HSDG. i still get to eat my roti planta at Aliff’s 🙂 the contractions comes and goes, but when it does i had to stand up (which also actually didnt help). got special attention from Sister Suhaini at PAC whom pushed my wheelchair up to 2nd class ward 5E, where i experienced using ravin enema for the 1st time. 3rd VE done by Dr Asmahan after Maghrib revealed a 4cm os and she sent me down to LR. i feel like jumping off the wheelchair during contractions. Abang khairul made me score the pain, but it was unscorable. i wondered wether my pain treshold was too low as a couldnt lie flat at all due to the pain, as compared to delivering patients i’ve taken care of before, whom manage to remain calm in between contractions.. i guess it’s because i dont get such experience of ‘in BETWEEN contractions’,as  what i had was CONTINUOUS contractions! i only knew that when i saw my 4 to 5 :10 contractions in the CTG picture Abang Khairul took. i was expecting the LR staffs would scold me for being uncontrollable, but they didnt.. maybe because i was their Dr before. Dr Ainy ordered for internal CTG since it was impossible to trace anything on my tummy  since i was practically struggling to sit up on the bed. everything went fast. ARM was not painful. actually i didnt really realize when it was done. the 1st time I felt like pushing, sure enough i was already ‘fully’. episiotomy WAS painful. and despite knowing the fact and screaming to my old patients ‘not to lift your butt when pushing’, i did so, consciously. but i couldnt help it. now i wonder if it would have made any difference if i did take epidural anaesthesia. i didnt even take Nubain. even before i felt like pushing, my perineum was persistently in pain as Umar’s head pushed it from inside. but what mak said was true, it wasnt really much of the pushing effort, it pushing the according to the contraction, and correctly that brings the head out , with Allah’s will. i cant believe that with my condition i still could bother of asking people to look at the time when i heard Umar’s 1st cry. he cried really loud. i was relievedhearing it. and when they showed me his genitals, i wasnt really surprised as my gut already feels that it’s a boy, just that i was scared to be so sure. on the initial part i could really get sentimental with Umar, as my contraction pain didnt end there as i expected and should be. it’s even still there with only a slightly lesser severity when the placenta came out.. since this is my 1st delivery, how the hell should i know what’s normal.. but my experience of seeing how patients look like after their babies are out (how comfortable and painfree), i know something must be not right.. by that time i was left alone.. people settling their equipments, the H.O saying Umar is tachypnoec and so Abang Khairul going to see him.. blood still pouring under me, soaking my back, i’m still having contraction pain as if there’s another baby inside.. and the fact that my uterus is VERY doughy.. i thought i better ring the bell to call them ( actually i was doubting myself at 1st to ring it, like what if i was wrong, what if it’s just my low pain treshold).. but after 2 JM palpated me, with the H.O( whom said my uterus was contracted :p) , Dr Ainy came, and true enough i was in PPH with EBL 700cc secondary to uterine atony (i know how a contracted uterus feels like!) secondary to accelerated labour. after that i was on pitocin 40units x2 till Subuh in labour room with Umar Faruq being taken away from me to NICU for TTN. Pity Abang Khairul having to run back and forth to see the both of us. Umar’s Abah 🙂


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having Umar Faruq

had a hard time putting him to sleep today.. just one of the days i guess.. usually its as if even an earthquake wont wake him up, especially for feeding time in the middle of the night

today Umar is day 16 of life. since i just got to sit down and breath ( i know i’m exaggerating) but it really seems as though reality just hit me, the fact that i’m apparently actually a mother.

i’ve been subconsciously wanting to become one since i started reading Enid Blyton.. then i imagined what to teach my kids, what to buy them, how to go about with them.. i even have a list of thing to do and get for them.. in a book. entitled that sound something like ‘dedicated to my children-or something’ ; which i believe still exist in one of the dusty boxes downstairs in the store at Ayah’s house.

i got married at 25. took contraception for almost 2 years. didnt  think could cope with both being a houseman and having a family of more than 2. had a wonderful time alone with Abang Khairul those near 2 years. missed those days, yet delighted with Umar’s presence. we conceived after only 2 months i stopped the OCP, AlhamduliLLah.. despite people around warning me that OCP can cause delay in regaining fertility. my 1st UPT test i ever did was already +ve. i couldnt tell wether i was ready back then. i was in A&E posting as an H.O still, alhamdulilLah there were not much of hyperem and i can proudly say that i didnt take a single MC during my 1st trimester (except for 1 because of severe laryngitis that it wast possible for me to make any calls and refer cases even if i were working)

Dr Nabila did my dating scan at 18 week POA. Booked at O&G HSDG, seen by Dr Nurul Ain. quite a late booking. wasnt my fault, i went to the counter at 12weeks POA and the JM there sent me off saying i can only book after 16 weeks POA ( and i already went with my whitecoat and stethoscope!). the next time i went i only got a TCA for booking at 21 week! o well .. lesson learned -dont expect an early booking if u wanna book at a hospital.

moved to Kuantan at around 24 weeks POA. frantically from the beginning  trying to get early approval for maternity leave at 38 weeks POA so i can get back to Serdang in time, to deliver in a prepared condition. request kinda ignored. fine then. i didnt make a fuss.

planned to breastfeed 2 years as mentioned in the Quran. its the right of a child. believed its possible, it must be. though i’ve no idea how to. saw a colleague breastpumping during a course break in the surau, a new experience. asked plenty of questions. other colleages joined in, giving support. giving websites to visit. then i did my own research. further asked around those whom delivered before me (which includes almost everyone). i believe its a good investment and its worth it, despite knowing there’s a chance i might fail. we bought the best pump i believe exist. and i’m glad and satisfied. and i have many guidance and references around too. the whole process and idea of breastpumping at work and keeping the coldchain of the pumped breastmilk really sounds complicated, tiring and almost impossible. i mean, its not like i dont have anythingelse to do. cant imagine having to juggle it with housechores and work later on. hope my determination lasts. but still, its worth a try.

had lower bachache from around 24 weeks POA onwards. mak said its normal. okay then.

Braxton Hicks contraction became obvious around 28 weeks POA. at least i know that its Braxton Hicks. but early 37 weeks POA they became regular but painless. i wonder how painful can it be. i mean, its already regular, what if thats already it. 2:10:20 already . i got scared, called mak and cried and sobbed. Abang Khairul asked to go home 1st and wait and see how the contraction goes. true enough, it dissappeared-which i only realize upon waking up the next morning, that apparently i managed to sleep that night.

i better catch some sleep before little Umar wakes up for his next feeding time..

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writing again

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim 🙂

feels good to write again. my husband encourages to write. so i will. missed it. not sure what me made stop. many stuff. ‘nothing written, nothing remembered’- as Abang quoted Abah. i’ll try to find time. currently in confinement, maternity leave.. many things to adjust and adapt to, yet its important to recap the past to move on forward. and guess what, it sure does feel good.. of writing again. feels like i got back my old self.

not sure where to start also. 2 years of not writing. u dont just start in the middle of nowhere. u start where u left. i miss my old diaries. scattered many places, not in order anymore. that’s kinda sad . in there were the memories of me meeting Abang Khairul in Form 1, our phone conversations, what i think of him back then.. significant memories like that. my frustrations in med school, my failures in exams.. how i regain strength to get up and graduate anyway, despite my bad grades hehe.. i mean, hey whats the point of deciding to enter medschool anyway, if u dont decide to graduate by hook or by crook..

how i completed my paeds housemanship training.. despite getting warning letters to be extended.. i didnt eventually.. despite being the 1st H.O candidate in Hosp Serdang for viva test.. i got through.. and i got over the rest of the postings and is currently blissfully a Klinik Desa Medical Officer in Kuantan running admin work and what not. o well

of having umar faruq. my son. our son. may u become a soleh son and pray for us always later on eh Umar. striving for exclusive breastfeeding at the moment. still working things out. needs lots of planning. getting supports from here and there.

well , roger and out i guess.. wish i have all the time to sit and ponder and write like old times. i’ll make time i guess. amin

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